Let me start by saying that the Chiang Mai destination was not planned at the outset. We purchased bus tickets from Luang Prubang to Huay Xai, the border stop on the Mekong.
Things started badly for the bus journey when we were initially delayed by a full hour. The VIP bus was "broken" so they had placed us on a local bus. Sarah went to enquire whether the replacement was also VIP. She was assured it was. I knew the assurance wasn't worth shit. "Broken buses" I've heard it a million times.
A tuk tuk took us to a local bus station where we boarded a packed bus, containing locals and just one other westerner. There is nothing wrong with this, and I love travelling with locals, but not when we've paid for a VIP. There was no VIP bus, the tour company pocketed the difference. Then put us on the 11 hour ride from hell.
The seats were comfy, and a blanket was provided and the AC was a good standard, so far so good. As we pulled away the driver put on some music. Not our taste and a little loud, but so what most of those on board were ok with it, so democracy rules. It was still before 8pm afterall. For some reason it was turned off with the lights and that suited us to get some sleep.
At about 10pm a man beside us starting puking into a plastic bag. Then another. A kind of milky substance, and the noise he made while doing it. He wanted no one to be in any doubt he was vomiting. One bag he threw out the window, and the other he tied in a knot to the side of his chair for the remainder of the journey.
About 12:30am I woke as the lights went full on and a lady with holding a baby jumped on board. Although all seats were taken. The bus conductor kindly offered her a wooden seat, and she sat on that throughout the remainder of the journey. No one offered her a seat (including me). Some elderly people came on afterwards and again they were also given wooden seats in the aisle and again no one offered them a seat (including me). Should the driver be forced to do an emergency stop. There would be 3 holes in the wind screen in the shape of two skinny elder gents and mother holding a child.
From 1:30am the driver decided this was a good time to blast out up-tempo music and did so until 3am when Sarah had enough and told him to turn it down. All the while some woman in the front was hacking up and spitting for the entire journey on and off. A kind of painful scream with every evacuation of phlegm. The lights, which were neon green and orange went on and off without reason. It was like everything possible was being done to stop sleep. The kind of treatment they gave to IRA suspects in the 1980s to make them confess to anything. It also beggared belief that we seemed the only ones the least annoyed or unable to sleep. Asians only need to sit still for 5 minutes to fall asleep, and they could do it in the middle of a road works.
Laotians seem such simple people and I feel bad saying this. Maybe its their manners that have not evolved in the same direction ours have. They push past and cause bottle necks on buses and queues when to any observer, just letting someone go first, eases the crowd and we all leave or enter somewhere quicker. I'm sure in the name of equality there are ample examples which prove me wrong here, but from my dealings they seem far too laid back. By saying far too laid back, I'm of course holding my tongue.
We arrived at Huay Xai at about 7am, a full 2 hours earlier than we were told. Then again the Laotian who sold us the ticket wasn't altogether sure if we were going to Vientiane or Huay Xai.
Huay Xai was nice little place to end our Laos visit. Equally charming, if in a different way, to the entry point out of Vietnam over a week ago. A nice border town selling a last minute chance for a t-shirt, some snake wine or a flat screen TV.
We saw some steps that led up to another bloody temple. We climbed up and looked back and there was the muddy Mekong and the houses on the other side were in Thailand. Tired and travelled out we saw a ticket vendor and bought a ticket all the way to Chiang Mai. After 9am we departed. We had to pay $1 as it was a Saturday for overtime. I asked the border guard "what happens if we don't pay, do you deport us?". He understood but didn't laugh. I paid up.
The boat chugged across 5 minute crossing of the Mekong. Looking down at either side I saw for that period I had left Laos but not entered Thailand, so I was on a boat and not in a country.
We banked up and passed through Thai immigration in no time. So we were in our last country. We had decided we didn't want the hassle of Bhurma, well not today anyway. Our bus took us over the flat neat roads of Northern Thailand, arriving here in Chiang Mai at about 5pm (we were promised 2:30pm, oh I give not a shit anymore). In a couple of days we are taking the night train to Bangkok. That will be the end of our Asian travels. Tomorrow though... the dentist. I have a rotten tooth to have yanked out. Lovely.
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