The Turkish Hamam

Believe me some things need a post all by themselves and a Turkish Hamam is one such thing. Fueled by a desire to feel clean and experience all things authentic I took my new German friend Klaus up on his offer to join him at a traditional Hamam. Now he wasn't taking me to a touristy one. This was a real one where Turkish men go also. I was scared.

We took a taxi through a part of Istanbul which had less kebab shops and t-shirt sales and more Turks. The traffic moved slow and loudly before we arrived at a place that was almost hidden between sweet  and electrical shops. I was greeted by the manager and the man who was to torture me in a very homo-erotic way. The manager greeted me with a handshake, Hussein my cleaner with a handshake and a kiss on both cheeks. So far so Turkish. After some tea I was given a cabin, with a lock that was mine. I was assure my personal effects were safe within and I undressed and wore only the cloth they provided. Some more tea then into the main area clutching some water. The main area was out of every Roman movie containing a bath house. A tall dome of a building with holes to let in the daylight. In the middle a slab with men lying about. First call the sauna. I've been in hotter saunas, but the heat was different. Advised by Klaus that the heat is retained be clay type bricks as opposed to the Scandinavian wood, I became aware I was now in a giant tangine pot. The heat seemed constant and it pushed dirt I never knew existed through my sweat glands. Then to cool down. A room to the left of the main area has sinks with bowls and you take the water and throw it over yourself. This part of the inner area is the only area which allows you to remove your clothes. If you are shy, being naked and throwing water over yourself is an experience. After that just ly down on the central slab and relax looking at the holes to the sky. Then one more sauna blast followed by another clean and the main course of brutality is served.

Your cleaner signals you to sit, then using the prison method for sobering up drunks, he grabs a big sink size bowl of water and throws it over the top of you. He repeats this process several times. Then signalling you to sit he takes a sandpaper glove, pours hot water it and rubs it over all your body and your face, literally scraping all the dead skin and crud away. Then with some bar soap, starting with your hair he works up so much lather. In fact the last time I saw this much lather was when some teenage twats put washing up liquid in a fountain in Manchester. Then another bucket of water and onto the central slab for a soapy massage.
I'm a good husband so I give Sarah massages, but if I did this to her it would be spousal abuse. He grabs and twists your legs, throttles you, pulls elbows in until you hear your back snap. All the time pushed down on this stone but warm slab. Assuming you can walk you are beckoned back to your starting position and another bucket of water is thrown over you. Thats it done as far as the cleaning is concerned. You are then given three fresh towels for both halfs of your body and your head then sent to your cozy cabin and offered to lay down and relax. You may even go to sleep if you wish. I guess you are just drying off, but not in the hurried sense which we do after a shower, more in a laid back and let it dry in its own time kind of way.

Your own personal space in this cabin and feeling that whatever shit is happening outside is of no concern at this moment. And it was at this point I completely got the idea of the haman (even though I saw the attraction during a trip to Morocco last year). Its designed for me. The central slab has a no talk rule, while talking in the sauna and other rooms is ok. This is men all over, we like to compartmentalise our times and places for talk and silence. In every day life, deep conversations with our partners can be adequately done in the 3 minure ad breaks. It was about breaking down barriers and moving homo-eroticism to one side (even though that is what it seemed) and enjoying being a naked man amongst our like with nothing implied. The benefits when you leave are the cleanest you will feel in a long time, and never again unless you take another haman. When you relax afterwards it will probably be the largest glow you'll ever feel. I feel women have many more opportunities to get this sensation which makes the haman unique as a particularly male form of expression. Meanwhile I cannot stop sniffing my arms and liking it.